Harbour Lights
by GellyBear
Summary: Something gets inside Sam's head during a hunt and wants him to kill Dean. Can Sam figure out how to stop it or will he end up killing the one person he loves the most? Wincest. Read...and enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

Sam stared out the window of the bus, bag in his lap, and his phone lighting up and vibrating every minute. One,two...five missed calls from Dean and over 50 text messages. He stared at his phone, a lump forming in his throat.

"I'm sorry Dean. I had to leave"

"Sammy, please come back. Don't do this. Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm Sorry"

Sam sent the last text message and turned off his phone. He couldn't go home and seeing Dean's messages which just make it harder than it already was. He couldn't risk Dean's life. He wouldn't.

He would only come back when he knew it was safe.

It had been a regular old hunt. Everything had gone by the book. They had captured a demon who possessed women and made them kill their husbands. It was supposed to be a simple exorcism. It was anything but. demon had left the body no problem but instead of going back to hell it materialized outside of the circle. It stared at them with black eyes and smiled at Sam, full of confidence and life.

"Oh my, quite the forbidden love you have there. Forbidden loves are always sweeter than the simple by the book love I've been dealing with here. Tell me Sammy my boy. Are you ready to kill Dean"

It hissed it's last words and evaporated into the air. The air around Sam felt thick as he inhaled it. Then, without warning he fainted.

When Sam awoke he was back in his motel room, his head pounding. The images in his eyes blurred as he tried to get out of bed. As soon as his feet touch the ground he fell.

"Dean?"

His voice was hoarse from inactivity and his throat dry. He heard running come from the other side of the room and he felt Dean's hands all over him trying to get him back in bed.

"Hey there Sammy, I got you man. Are you okay? Why would you try to get out of bed?"

"What happened?"

"I don't know man. The moment that demon disappeared you fainted. You've been out for 2 whole days"

_I wonder what he was doing during those two day._ _He never did handle loneliness well._

"What"

"What?"

"Did you say something?"

"Uh no."

_Oh no its wasn't him Sammy my boy. It was mmeeee_

Sam stared wide eyed. Whatever had control over the women now was inside of him. His heart began to beat faster and faster. Dean looked at his brother with concerned green eyes.

"You alright?"

"uh Yeah. I just need fresh air I think"

Sam tried to stand up again, this time using his bed for support. He slowly got the movement back in his limbs as he made his way to the door.

"Alright man, leave the door open just in case you fall. You're like a skyscraper with a weak foundation right now."

"I'll be fine Dean. I'm not a child. Love you"

"You better"

Sam went outside and took a deep breath. Maybe it was just his mind playing trick on him. There was no black smoke and he had an anti possession tattoo. There was no way there was a demon inside him.

_That symbol doesn't do much for you mind Sammy. It really is cute how much you love that brother of yours. I wouldn't blame you. Incest or not mmmeeeOOWWW. He can hunt me anyday. Too bad he doesn't really share those feeling. He didn't even say I love you back"_

Sam didn't speak out loud because Dean might hear him. He just stood there and tried to think of what to do next.

_Don't worry Sammy. I can hear your thoughts. Why don't you just tell Dean what's happening? Or are you afraid of bothering him AGAIN with you mind problems. He must be expecting it by now. Heck! You even had to leave the door open so he could keep an eye on you_

_Get out of my head. I will not kill Dean. You can't make me. _

_Oh dear Sammy. I am not going to make you do anything. I am just opening your eyes. I mean if you love Dean as much as you say you do and he doesn't love you back then he obviously doesn't deserve to love anybody else. Right? If you can't have all of him then no one can._

Sam was unsure of what to do next. It was obvious whatever was in his mind had had problems with males and love. But it is not like he could research how to kill it with it in his mind. It would see and he didn't quite know the extent of it's power yet. In the end he decided to just ignore it. How much harm could one voice do?

Over the next few days the voice didn't stop for even one second. It was more annoying than persuading. Every time Dean so much as breathed in the wrong tone of voice it pointed it out to Sam. He was still able to work and most of the time he could ignore it but Sam honestly had no idea how long he could do this. Then, all of a sudden, it got worse. In his dreams he just got images of Dean kissing and sleeping with women and other guys and drinking at a bar flirting with women. It all just seemed so real.

_In case you were wondering those are thing that Dean has done in the past few nights. He's cheating on you Sammy. It is obvious. When is the last time he even kissed you? You're just another stepping stone to him._

Sam sat on the bed and covered his eyes. Dean wasn't even home right now.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD"

Sam was not the jealous type of guy. Before, If Dean wanted to call it quits he'd be fine. After all it's unnuatural for brothers to be doing what they were doing, to have the kind of relationship they had. But now Sam was just angry. He deserved more than this. He was always there for Dean. If Dean couldn't see something like that then...

Sam shook his head in disbelief. Had he really thought that?

_Yes, Sam you did. You finally are seeing it the way you should. Some men are just jerks. They don't deserve the love in this world. They only use and waste. Use and waste._

"use and waste..."

Sam laid down on his bed and slept the words "use and waste" running through his head and just as he slipped into sleep the voice whispered.

_That's right go to bed my little Sammy. I'll take care of things for you_

Sam woke up knife in hand. Standing over Dean's sleeping body. His eyes dead and uncaring. The room was quiet except for the slow and calming breath coming from Dean's body. Sam pulled the covers down to reveal Dean chest and slid the knife along pushing just enough to leave a small trail of blood behind. A loud cackle rang through his mind brought Sam back to conscious just as he lifted the knife to stirke. He dropped the knife in shock.

_WHAT? No. PICK THE KNIFE UP_

Sam stared in horror at the blood on Dean's chest then to the knife on the ground. Tears welled up in his eyes. He almost killed Dean. The only family, the only love he had. Sam grabbed his bag of clothes and money and ran. The tears rose faster than he could run and they slid down his face.

_If you leave now he'll just hurt you more Sammy! Go back!_

_NO!_

Now Sam sat alone on the bus trying to figure out what to do. There was literally no where he could go. Dean was his only anchor. The only safety net his had or needed. He was alone with a voice in his head that seemed to be able to take over his body if he let his guard down. He buried his face and his hand and thought of Dean's eyes, those green harbour lights that had always led him home. He couldn't see them anymore. He was lost.

* * *

One Week Later ...

Sam stared at his phone tempted to turn it on. He wanted to call Dean and tell him he was alright, to tell him he still loved him. But he couldn't.

What would he tell Dean after that? "Sorry, I love you. Can't come home. Bye". Dean deserved more than that. Sam had spent almost a week trying to figure out how to get rid of the voice. It was mostly quiet now. Occasionally it would tell Sam to go back to Dean but ever since Sam left Dean it didn't speak to him. He felt like it was just moping or sleeping and waiting till Sam couldn't take it anymore. Till he went back to Dean and they could just start all over again. Then Sam had an idea. He sat on the the edge of the bed and sighed.

"Can we talk? like, face to face"

"Sure Sammy"

Suddenly in front of him the demon appeared. It looked neither definitely female nor male but was very attractive. It's eyes were red and puffy like it was sad and depressed. So very different from when they first met. All the confidence gone.

"I can't believe that actually worked. You look different."

"Well, I've been crying a lot lately."

"Why?"

"The man I love doesn't love me. I tried to kill him but I couldn't. You wouldn't let me. The other women let me but you didn't. It is because you're a man. You don't 're stopping us from being together. I've tried everything. I am just no...enough"

"That isn't the man you love"

"Yes, it WAS. HE was exactly the SAME. They don't understand how to love. AND YOU don't understand what it feels like"

"Please listen, that wasn't the same man! They are different...he is mine.."

"Oh no Sammy my boy. That's what they do. They cloud your mind and your judgement and they take you love and your life"

It lifted its wrist and displayed two deep gashes leading up her arm. Suicide.

"I LOVED him and told him that I would never love another. He would love me forever after we died. So I died. I killed myself. If he loved me he would have done the same then we would have been together FOREVER but no. He went and loved that other girl so easily after I left...That's what men do they hurt. I tried to save you Sammy. I JUST WANTED TO HELP."

She began to cry again and a glass broke in the room and Sam nodded his head. She was a spirit. a type of vengeful spirit. She couldn't leave because a part of her was still here. Her love. She couldn't leave because part of her heart was still here. But Sam couldn't kill the guy so he tried something new. He reached forward and hugged her.

"What are you doing"

"I ...Uh...was hoping that hugging you and loving you would release your spirit"

The stared at each other in silence and Sam just shrugged and smiled.

"It didn't work but luckily I had plan B"

He gestured toward the salt circle that surrounded her and she immediately rose in anger. Her eyes glowing.

"Release me!"

"Uh...I'm going to go with no"

Since he couldn't release her spirit he would have to command it. He had remember the psychic who had controlled the spirit and ordered it to kill all the competition so maybe he could control this one and order it to not kill. He pulled out the book and began to recite the incantation. She began to scream in agony as the sound of chain rang in the air. Then, everything was quiet and she just stood still. Eyes still watering, staring at Sam.

"Alright, I ..uh..order you to sit at your grave and stay out of peoples minds until your lover dies. Then, when he dies. I release you to go to heaven."

She stood there and watched him.

"Well?"

"The salt circle..."

"Oh right.."

Sam erased the circle and she evaporated again but this time a small flower was left in her place. It lay lonely on the bed then shattered. Sam stared at the bed for a while before turning on his phone and calling Dean. He could finally see the light. Those beautiful green harbour lights that would lead him home.

* * *

**AN**: Well, that's done. I guess if you guys want I can write a follow up chapter and like have a fluffy reunion with like a smutty end or just the fluff and vice versa but as of now this is ddoooneee! ( I don't own this characters in care you thought I did. Well, I did make up the ghost but like I didn't give her a name or anything. Maybe if I make another chapter I'll make Sam find out who she is or whatever). OH! and this is based on the song Harbour Lights by a Silent Film ...kind of...so have a listen...okay Bai! 3


	2. Chapter 2

Back at the motel a phone lit up and vibrated on a light brown end table. The screen flickered on and off in a futile attempt to catch it's owner's attention. But it wouldn't work. The owner had long abandoned the phone and the feeling of hopelessness it gave him. The countless times he called just to get sent to voicemail. The texts he sent out that never got a reply. It was like he was trying to start a conversation with a shadow. A shadow in the darkness. The phone continued to buzz across the table for a few more seconds—then it stopped; a few seconds later it lit up with a text message.

"Dean"

The voiceless called remained unanswered. The phone continued to light up and flash screaming for attention but to no avail.

Dean lay sprawled across his very own throne of mattress, sheets, and empty beer bottles and cans. Empty wrappers of food and empty beer bottles were littered across the room. The room smelled as if Dean had covered everything in alcohol rather than drank it. The man himself looked as if he had not bathed or even changed clothes the whole week his Sammy had been gone. There was a very good chance that was the case. He smelled like he was simply a beer bottle dressed in a white t shirt and some jeans.

Finally, the buzzing was too much for Dean's hung over mind. He picked up the phone and flipped through the messages. Message after message Dean read, his heart quickened. Each message was from Sammy. His Sammy. He put his phone down and rubbed his eyes. His mind must be playing tricks on him. So many time before this had happened. He had picked up his phone and imagined seeing a text from Sam or hearing a knock on the door and Sam voice calling out his name. But every time gone to check it had been a sick joke that his mind had played on him. Each time he drowned out the voices and then false hope with another bottle.

He got up and walked over to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and bags were piled under his eyes. His hair clung to his forehead slick with sweat and his skin looked pasty and sickly. He pulled off his shirt to reveal a strong chest and arms. His arms were sore from disuse but they were still looked perfect and defined. He pulled off the rest of his clothes and dragged himself into the shower. He turned the water on and gasped as the cold water attacked his skin. The cold was bitter and bit at his skin pulling him into full consciousness, sending shivers down his spine. He adjusted the water into a more comfortable, warmer temperature and stood in the shower. He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed soap on his chest. His fingers ran over the scar on his chest that was the only thing left behind when Sam had left. He tried to wash away the smell of the alcohol but it was hard to wash away something that his blood was drowning in.

After scrubbing and washing all the soap off his body he stepped out of the shower and dried his body. He walked into the sleeping area naked and searched for clothes. The cold air clawed at his exposed body until he found his bag and slipped on a blue t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans that had a hole in the back pocket. He looked over the trashed motel room for another beer bottle but they were all empty or had some weird substance floating around in them.

defeat, he made his way back to his bed and sat down. As he sat the phone lit up again and danced across the table

-Incoming call from Sam Winchester-

Dean eyed the phone and with a sigh picked it up. There was always a chance that it actually was Sam and not his mind and for Sam he would always take the chance. Even if his own sanity was at stake.

"Dean?!" I've been calling! Is everything okay? Why didn't you pick up your phone"

"S-Sammy?!"

Dean stammered into the phone. The voice seemed all too real, all too familiar. Even his own twisted and sick mind wouldn't do this to him.

"Sammy, is that you? Where have you been man? Are you okay"

"Yeah, Dean. I'm fine. I'll explain when I get there. Where are you?"

"I'm still in the same place Sammy. I never left."

"Okay, I'll be there soon. God it feel good to hear your voice again"

"Yeah, you too. See you soon"

Dean hung up the phone and buried his head in his hand. His emotions battling each other for dominance. He was over joyed to know Sam was okay and even happier to know that he would be coming home. But Sam had talked on the phone like everything was alright. As if he could just leave without saying a word and come back to explain everything and that would make it all alright. What excuse did he have for not even sending a text saying "Hey man, I'm alright. Don't Worry" or even a text to let Dean know what ever was eating at him before he had left hadn't killed him.

Dean grabbed the nearest beer bottle and chucked it at the wall adding more mess to his surroundings. He looked around in distress. The room was a mess. He was a mess. His feeling were a mess. And so he decided to fix the only thing he could before Sam arrived. He began cleaning all the bottles up. It took almost 2 hours before he had finished. He went towards the window and opened them up to let some fresh air in and retreated back to the bed.

Dean tried to figure out what he would say to Sam but he didn't even know where to start. He was so mad at him but he also just wanted to hold his little brother in his arms. Where he knew he would be safe. He continued to mull it over till he heard the door unlocked and he saw Sam walk in. Clean and perfect. Typical Sammy.

"Wow. I expected this place to reek and for you to be sleeping on a pile of beer bottles because you couldn't find your bed"

"Heh. Well, you gotta give me more credit than that Sammy"

A light chuckled escaped Sam lips as he walked over to Dean and sat across from him.

"So, um..Where do I start"

"How about the beginning Sammy because right now I don't know anything about the past few weeks"

Sam started from the beginning of the story and told Dean everything. He didn't leave any details out and came completely clean. Dean took in every word hoping to gain some understanding to why Sam left without a word. Why Sam didn't just trust or let him help even a little bit.

"So yeah, that's it. Now, I really just want to put this all behind us and move on with our lives"

"How do you expect to move on with OUR lives if you won't let me BE there for you. Hell, Sammy I can't even help you because you don't seem to be able to trust me"

"Dean, I could have killed you?"

"Yeah, and you couldn't wait till I woke up and we talked it through? It obviously fed off any doubts you had about me and call me crazy but not letting me help you stems from pretty big doubts"

"Look Dean, I am sorry. I got scared and I ran. I didn't want to hurt you and I thought I could handle it on my own. And I could"

"Well, what if you couldn't? Would you call me as a last resort? And what if it had killed YOU instead? Huh? What then? Then I would have had to spend the rest of my life without you. I would have spent the rest of my life not knowing you were dead or where the hell you even were. I don't understand why you won't let me help you Sammy"

"Sometimes I don't need help Dean. I don't need you to protect me all the time I am not a child. I don't understand why you are making this into a big deal"

"Because Sam. It is not about needing to protect you. It is me wanting to be there for you! Okay? I just want to be there for you so I don't feel useless. You doubt my feeling because you never let me in. Every time I try to help or get close you always say that you're not a child anymore that you can do it on your own. Alright man I get you. You're a big kid now. That doesn't change the fact that I love you and that I want to make sure you're okay. I can't go a whole week with no word with you because it makes me feel useless. It makes me feel like I have to watch as you take on all your problems when I am willing to share some of the weight."

Dean stared into Sam eyes tears crawling out their corners but not falling. Sam looked as if someone had just used a hammer to knock the air out of him.

"Look Sam I get it. You didn't want to hurt me but if it is for you I would take that chance. I'll always take that chance. I don't want you to have to deal with it on your own anymore. We spent years alone. Apart. Dealing with our problems and growing up. Now, we don't have to Sammy. Two heads are better than one right? And I bet there is room enough on both our shoulder for the world."

Sam just looked into Dean's eyes and smiled. He had never heard Dean talk like this before. He felt bad but also relieved. The fact the Dean was willing to fight for some of the shit that plagued Sam took load off his shoulders. He rubbed his eyes to get rid of any tears that might have been sneaking out and looked back up and Dean. He stared into those green eyes and leaned forward. He gently pressed his lips to Dean's and caressed his cheek. Dean leaned forward into the kiss placing his hands on Sam's knees for balance.

Their lips parted but they kept their foreheads together. Dean closed his eyes and smiled as Sam ran his fingers through his hair and massaged his scalp. They had a long way to go before they could break down all the barrier but it was a battle he was willing to fight. He kissed Sam again an even sweeter and softer kiss than before

"Welcome Home Sammy"

* * *

**A/N: **Tada! All done. I feel like I might have cut the fight too short but I also wanted to make sure they made up. Oh well...tell me what you think and such and I hope you enjoyed it :) Okay bye!


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